5 Phrases in a Relationship That Signal it's Time to Leave
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By Vivian Bricker, Crosswalk.com
Whether we are in a marriage or still dating, there are many things we need to watch out for. Sadly, we live in a fallen world–people say things that can deeply wound us. While some people within the Christian community tell us we should look the other way or use a Bible verse out of context to support their view, certain things clearly tell us it is time to leave. Despite what many have been taught, divorce is warranted in certain situations.
Divorce is acceptable under the grounds of unfaithfulness or abuse (Matthew 5:32). Throughout Ephesians 5:25-33, Paul talks about how husbands and wives should love each other, and anything that goes against this is clearly against the marriage covenant. Since Paul says husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies and as Jesus loves the church, they are not to abuse their wives. If a wife or a husband is undergoing abuse in their marriage, they are not required to stay.
Abuse can show up in many ways. Some people believe it is only physical abuse, but abuse can also be in the form of sexual abuse, verbal abuse, mental abuse, spiritual abuse, and emotional abuse. If someone in a marriage or a relationship finds that they have been abused in any of these ways, it is time to walk away from the relationship. You are not sinning for leaving a relationship that has harmed you beyond measure.
1. "You Should Be More Like _______"
While one could never craft a list of all the phrases that would signal it is time for a relationship to end, here are a few that could help you know when it is time to leave. Something I have seen to be detrimental to relationships is when either the male or female tells their partner they should be more like someone else. This could be their mother, father, someone else's spouse, or even a celebrity. The main idea behind this phrase is that "I would like you better if you were someone else," and this is clearly problematic.
Whenever someone wants us to become someone we're not to please them, it becomes detrimental to our well-being. It never feels good to be told that we should be less like ourselves and more like someone else. This is a deep cut that your partner understands will hurt you. If your partner is okay with hurting you with their words, then it is not a healthy relationship, and it is time to leave.
Far too many Christians are so desperate for a spouse or relationship that they will settle for anyone, even if they make them feel awful. Don't do this. God has far greater plans in store for you and wants you to be with someone who treats you as He treats the church. Walk away from anyone who uses this phrase, and you will preserve your mental well-being and worth. Don't lose your peace over someone who is miserable with themselves.
2. "You Aren't Good Enough"
Something that individuals are told way too often in relationships is that they are not good enough. When your spouse or partner tells you you aren't good enough, it is time to walk away. You don't need to endure such harsh treatment and abuse in your relationship. Relationships are supposed to be safe, encouraging, and full of love. If someone tells you you're not good enough, this isn't going to make you feel safe, secure, or loved.
Rather than feeding into a relationship that breathes the lie that you are not good enough, walk away. Be upfront with the person and say you are good enough because you belong to Christ. As a child of God, you have immeasurable worth in His eyes. Don't allow anyone to make you believe less about yourself. God Himself dearly loves you. If anyone doesn't love you as He commands, then they are the problem.
This phrase can also be conveyed in actions and nonverbal communication. Maybe you have never heard your significant other say this, but they implied it in other ways. If this is true, the same rule applies. You are good enough and complete in Christ (Colossians 2:9-10).
3. "You're Too Much"
A phrase used far too often in relationships is "you're too much." This paints the idea that the person who is being accused of being "too much" is too loud, needy, or clingy. Regardless of what makes the person "too much," the goal of this phrase is to make you feel less-than. Sadly, in many relationships, a partner wants the person they are dating to be smaller, quieter, or more "perfect," and this causes them to say negative things.
If your partner, spouse, or significant other has ever told you that you're too much, then it is a sign that you need to walk away. Step away from the relationship and take time to find yourself again. You are not called to stay in this toxic relationship where the person you love is tearing you down. This is a sad reality for many individuals, but know that there are other people out there who will love you as God wants.
Don't give up just because you have found someone who doesn't see your worth. The problem is not you—it's them. They have likely done this to many people in the past, and it is something they need to work on. Don't waste any more of your time with this person. Choose to preserve your own well-being rather than trying to stay.
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4. "You Are Stupid, Dumb, Unintelligent"
Whenever a spouse or a partner tells you that you are stupid, dumb, or unintelligent, it is time to leave. If a person has no problem questioning your intelligence and calling you mean names, then they will have no problem doing other things, such as being more aggressive or condescending in daily interactions. If your spouse or partner has called you stupid, dumb, or not intelligent, know that they are wrong. You are smart and very intelligent—they are probably saying those things to try to have a sense of control over you.
Sadly, this is often seen in Christian communities. The man is seen as "smart," and the woman does as she's told. If you have been part of this dynamic, know it is unhealthy. All it is saying is that you are incapable of making your own decisions. Marriages and relationships are supposed to be a healthy and loving partnership, not an unhealthy power dynamic.
The pain that comes into our hearts when a partner tells us we are dumb, stupid, or not intelligent can leave us feeling bad about ourselves. Whenever this phrase or really any hurtful phrase comes out of the mouth of another person, we need to turn to the Lord and find healing in Him. He will wrap us in His embrace and heal our wounded hearts (Psalm 147:3).
5. "I Would Be Happier with Someone Else"
A very potent phrase in a relationship is if the person says, "I would be happier with someone else." This phrase has the capacity to rip into our souls on a deeper level. To know that the person we love the most would freely say they would be happier with someone else is enough to send us spiraling. It makes us question our worth and the love our partner had for us.
If your spouse or partner has been making statements about how they would be happier with someone else or they could get anyone they wanted, now is the time to leave the relationship. This is not a healthy relationship, nor is it a healthy dynamic. You deserve to be with someone who loves being with you and never makes these backhanded remarks. This is just an insult to make you feel bad about yourself.
The idea that they would be happier with someone else is a clear sign that they would be unfaithful to you in the future. Although they didn't say this directly, this is what they meant. If they have no problem making this statement boldly in front of you, think about what they say and do behind your back. If a person makes this statement, they are not a good partner or spouse.
God doesn't call us to stay in relationships such as these. A husband and a wife are supposed to be a team, not two opponents fighting one another. Rather than trying to stay and figure out matters yourself, it's time to walk away, turn to God, and allow Him to repair the broken parts. He will always be with you and help you find happiness again.
